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Does your memory live with you in death? Boom, boom. I need to know… do you remember what happened? Boom, boom. Are you angry with me? I need to know… am I forgiven? Boom, boom. I don’t want to remember dying… I don’t want to remember this pain. Boom, boom. I don’t want to remember the broken promises… that stain like cloying lies. Have you nothing to say? * * * ‘Do you dream about me? Tell me your truth. Do you dream I am with you?’ Where else would I go? How could I not dream about you? Did you think I’d found someone else? Sometimes I really believe you are here. That I’ll wake in the morning and everything will be just as it was. But there is no going back… nowhere we can return to… and even if we could, it was all just a masquerade… a sick joke played at our expense… Did you consider that? All our time together was an illusion… there was no future… not for me… not for us. And I can’t face you. I never had your strength, or your courage. You were ever the binding that held me,. ..?I rejected that idea even as it was forming in my brain.We were sitting in Penny's living room having dessert and tea when Itried to respond to the things she had said. "Penny, I could feel myselfgetting all defensive as you were talking before. And I didn't like thatfeeling. As you went on, I realized that what you were saying was righton the money. I didn't know that I was that transparent."I smiled weakly. She started to answer, but now it was my turn to hold upmy hand. I could see her lips forming the word "touch?" without actuallysaying it."There's no point in going on with this conversation unless I can behonest with you, and in fact be honest with myself."She nodded."I do consider you a friend." She smiled and I continued, "And becauseyou are I feel like I can talk to you about this, and I want to. Gettingall dolled up in Tony's studio, the dress, the make-up the wig andeverything, well something happened. It really caught me off guard. If Itold you that I didn't expect it,.
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